None of your beeeeeeswax!!

When did it get rude to tell people that something was none of their business?  When I was a kid, it seems like I said this all the time.  I said it so often that I had an alternate phrase, "None of your beeswax," that I would use if I was tired of using the original phrase.


Recently, a casual acquaintance came up to me and asked me if I was increasing the size of my family.  It is possible that she was asking if we were in the market for a puppy, or about to open our home to foster children, but I am pretty sure she was saying that I looked fat and was wondering if I was pregnant.  I just answered, "no."  I am a little fat.  I know this.  Some days I work on doing something about it, some days I eat donuts.  It is something that I am not too worried about, but the pregnancy question is a great way for people to point it out.  For the record, this is ALWAYS rude.  In fact, a friend of mine spotted another friend of mine at the office.  Friend 1 is 99% sure that  friend 2 is pregnant.  If friend 2 is pregnant, I couldn't be happier or more excited, but I don't think I can send an email to her to congratulate her because even if she is pregnant, that would suggest that she looks fat enough to be pregnant and that would be rude.  I will wait until she tells me, makes it facebook official, or I see a baby. 


After the first rude question, the casual acquaintance asked how old the baby is and whether or not we were planning to stop at three children.  Well, just so everyone knows, the baby is one year old and yes, I currently plan on only having three children, but you can't ask someone that question, especially if they currently have a one year old.  Right now I am just relieved to occasionally get a full night sleep.  Maybe when I am better rested I will want to have ten more kids.  Generally, the answer to this question should have been, "None of your beeswax!"  Why does she need to know my family plan?  Why did I feel the need to tell her?  What if this was a hurtful question?  This is the type of thing that could be very sensitive to people.  What if I change my mind?  Do I have to call her up and let her know that the plan has changed?


Anyway, as much as I was annoyed by this woman, I am more annoyed at myself.  She was probably just trying to make conversation.  She doesn't know me that well, and when I am running after three adorable children, that is the most obvious topic to discuss.  I am sure I have asked questions that are too intrusive.  Sometimes it is because I am not being thoughtful.  Often it is because it seems like an innocent question to me, but is something that causes a lot of struggle for the other person.  Any question about dating, or a job, or a house, or a car, or a mutual friend could be sensitive in the wrong situation.  If all those topics are off limits, what in the world is left to talk about.  I can't just talk about the weather and TV all the time.  Even then, what if a snow storm killed your grandma or what if you almost got your big break on my new favorite TV show?  That woman was not the problem, my answer was the problem.  I think the solution should be that it is totally ok to tell someone that topics are none of their business.  I think I will try to say it nicely, and if they continue to pry, I will break out "none of your beeeeeeswax!"  I think that this will cause people to assume a lot of stuff about me.  It might also make me seem more mysterious.  But I think I might like that better than telling people private details of my life. 


How do you think this will work out?  Do you think I will start losing a lot of casual acquaintances?

Kris Kross will make you...

Until I worked with an intern this summer, I never realized how "generational" I am.  She loved to point out our generational differences.  She has gone back to school, but she left a generational impact on me.  I notice the differences between age groups a little bit more.

One example is the guy who sits across from me at work.  He is about 10 years younger than I am and generally that doesn't make much of a generational impact.  He gets most of my references.  One reference he didn't get was a reference to Kris Kross.  I asked a friend who is about 10 years older than I am, and she was also not familiar with Kris Kross.  In both cases, I tried to explain to them that Kris Kross is a child rap duo from back in the day.  Both kids were named Kris and they rapped about Mack Daddy and Daddy Mack.  At this point both people started to look at me like I was a little crazy.  When I explained that the kids also wore their clothes backwards, I started to agree that this was a weird thing to reference.

When I mentioned Kris Kross to coworkers with in a 5 year age range of myself, each person started rapping different lines from the song.

As a parent, it is my job to pass on my generational references to my children so that they can talk to adults.  I have not passed on references to Kris Kross yet, but some parents in my area are doing a much better job of it. 

Yesterday I chaperoned a field trip to the Leslie Science center.  It was a lovely field trip and overall a success.  However, before we left I was given one task and I think I messed it up.  I had to take a group of 4 kids to the bathroom that was down the hall.  There were three energetic girls and one very calm boy.  The girls went into the bathroom and I could hear them talking and yelling the whole time.  As we walked back to the class, they were still being a little rowdy and the teacher nabbed up two of them and made them go with her.  As I looked at the girl left with me, I realized her pants were on backwards.  These were not flowy pants or sweat pants that could be easily turned around.  They were skinny jeans that were tucked into her super high top sneakers with purple sparkles.  They were on backwards, the fly was undone, and the button was buttoned.  How did she do this?  At first I thought she must have done it in the bathroom, but there was no way she could have gotten her pants and purple glittery shoes totally off and back on and buttoned up backwards.  I think she came to school like that.  Once I figured it out, I told the little girl, but she did not seem to mind.  Her pants were sagging in the back the rest of the field trip.  I guess that is what happens when you wear tight pants backwards.  Her baggy underpants were hanging out the whole time.  I can only assume that the girl's parents were trying to teach her about Kris Kross.  The best way to teach a kid is to have them experience something for themselves, and I think this is what was going on yesterday.

What do you think I should put on my list of important pop culture tidbits to make sure my kids know?

This one is a fashion blog - I might be out of control

I have heard a lot about outfits that moms wear when they drop off their kids.  I always find it funny, but it never really meant anything to my life.  I have only dropped off my son at school on the first day.  I knew I was going to do it and I planned an outfit that looked very put together so I would impress the teacher and the other moms.  OK, I didn't impress them, but I looked like a normal adult and I looked like a respectable mom.  Usually my husband takes Chazzy Chazz to school.

Today I worked from home because the sweet little Dessy Dess was sick through the night.  Working from home causes interesting outfit choices.  Probably no one is going to see you, so you don't want to waste any of your good work clothes.  I decided to go with a shirt I just recently purchased online.  I am trying to figure out if I like the fit and whether or not it is work appropriate.  Then I realized that all my pants were in the laundry.  I did manage to find my tye dye flowy pants.  Turns out, these two go together perfectly.

My presence this morning seemed to slow down the rest of the family.  The hubby didn't think that he could get Chazzy Chazz to school on time so he asked me to take him.  I agreed, then looked at my outfit.  The selected outfit is not the kind of thing you wear when you are trying to look like a normal adult/mom.  Since I have heard all the stories about dropping kids off at school, I figured I could just stay in the car.

 

No.  I couldn't stay in the car.  The boy is spoiled rotten and his dad walks him into the building, so he wanted me to do the same thing.  Not only that, but we were 10 minutes early and he wanted to get out of the car and wait at the door to the school.  I did it.  While I was waiting, I figured if I was going to look like crazy mom, I might as well embrace it.  Chazzy chazz found some stepping stones and we turned them into a game of hopscotch and he and I took turns hopping back and forth on them.

It made me remember that I am crazy mom.  I have to dress almost normal for work.  It has gradually steered me towards dressing more and more normally in my every day life (well, relatively normal) because no one wants to have two full wardrobes. After I got over the original nervousness of looking crazy in front of the principal, I felt so free.  I still don't think I can wear the tye dye pants to work, but I think the shirt might make it now.

btw, I had to take the picture standing on the toilet to really make my point.  I am sorry it is a bathroom selfie, but I couldn't think of another way to share my awesome look.

I don't want to go back to the college years.

Friday evening the hubby and I went out.  We went to dinner and to the Michigan Theater to see a comedian.  Because of the timing and location of our adventures, this put us right in the middle of campus on a Friday evening.  We were oddly involved in Friday night college social life.  We weren't REALLY involved (no one asked us into the frat party), but it was like we were right on the fringe looking in.  I was a nerd and I went to a small commuter school for college, so I never had the college experience that movies like animal house are made of.  The kids we saw were trying to have the movie college experience.

First, we had to take a shortcut through the fraternity sorority district.  There were oodles of girls walking around.  All the girls were wearing dresses that were generally the same style and cut.  They were all EXACTLY the same length (slightly above mid thigh), but in different prints.  They were all wearing their hair the same way and they were all wearing high heel shoes.  I can only assume they were all going to some sort of sorority or fraternity event.  There was one girl who was wearing the same style dress, but it was slightly longer.  Right BELOW mid thigh.  I think she is not getting into the sorority.  I imagine they will yell at her that they can't let her in if they can't even see her lady parts.  What is she trying to hide...manly parts?

Next we went to dinner at the five guys on campus.  I wanted to go mongo, but we didn't have enough time.  As a side note, the five guys on campus is filthy.  The patrons seem to confuse it for that steak place that used to let you throw peanut shells on the ground but then they went out of business.  I actually saw a guy pushing all his peanut shells onto the floor.  Anyway, I noticed that all the college girls at five guys had put a lot of effort into their casual hanging out appearance, but many of them looked kind of worse after all that effort.  It made me realize that they don't make movies like Old School, Animal House, Back to School, or PCU about women, because college is not the highlight of their whole life.  I did really enjoy college, but I don't want to go back and do it again, even if it was more of the movie version of college.  This made me think that they should make a female version of Old School.  I have it all figured out.

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Other than those few changes, just use the exact same script but replace fraternity with sorority.  I can see the box office gold now.  Movie making friends, feel free to put this idea into action.  I don't need any compensation, I just want to see the movie.

Eventually we did get to the theater.  That is when I realized that maybe I am just too old to go out.  I was a little grumpy because other people were sitting a little too close to me.  Then I got a little grumpier because people were laughing too loud and I couldn't hear all the jokes.  When I listen to comedy through Pandora in my car I never have that problem.  The last straw was the guy next to me chewing chaw.  I don't know much about chaw, but I saw him scoop a bunch of brown stuff out of a tin with his finger.  He put it in his mouth.  I started gagging.  It smelled super strongly of peppermint as if I was chawing it myself.  Then, for the rest of the performance he slowly spit it into a cup.  How does one get started on such a habit.  Gross.  Is it a totally different habit than smoking?  Does one save it for a time when you are inside and not allowed to smoke?  Do you pick it up to try to quit smoking?  I wish he would have been smoking, that would have been much less gross.

Man o man I am happy to be old.

This one is a fashion blog - Old Man Shorts

Before I distribute more of my excellent fashion advice, I have a few other tidbits of advice:

• Don't google "old man shorts".  You will find LOTS of pictures of mens' butt cheeks on display.
• Don't google "shorts" at all because you will see way too many butt cheeks of all kinds.
• I have decided to share a picture of my shorts without me in them because if I share a picture of me in the shorts you might be too distracted by how awesome I look.

When I was young, I wore short shorts.  Not this short:

But still pretty short.  I am a short person, and short shorts don't look that skanky on me.  It is a gift.  However, now I am an adult and a mother and I shouldn't be looking skanky at all, so I have switched over to old man shorts.  They are awesome and you should switch over to them also.

You can find old man shorts in the men's section.  This works out nicely because the most beautiful ones will be on clearance because men don't actually want to wear beautiful shorts.  They are cut nicely, as most men's pants are.  They give you the size in inches, and since most women's clothes are not sized that way, there is no size drama associated with them.  A tiny downside is that if you find really beautiful ones, you have to wear solid shirts with them.  This is similar to the trouble with flowy pants, but this is a downside I am willing to put up with, or just wear patterned shirts and look a little crazy.  Another downside is that it is a little harder to look bootilicious, but that is kind of the point.  There is little risk that the pockets will hang below the hem of the shorts.  They have nice pockets because all men's pants have nice pockets.  Overall, these shorts rule and women's shorts drool.  I declare that old man shorts are much more flattering that grandma/mom shorts and are more hygienic than booty short shorts.

What kind of shorts are your favorite?

The fun mom!

 

I have been thinking that I want to be a fun mom.  It is great to be the cuddle mom and the making dinner mom and the put you in time out mom, but I also want to be fun mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love being the cuddle mom, but the kids probably won't remember times like this:

 

This summer, I have been gradually increasing my fun percentage with limited success.  It started out when Chazz said that he wanted to play soccer in the back yard.  Sure I was wearing flip flops and sure I was holding the baby, but I said yes anyway.  The whole family was in the back yard playing soccer and it was all fun and games until the baby got hit with the ball (she didn't get hurt).  Fun mom failure 1.

 

Just this weekend we decided it was time for Chazz to learn to ride his bike without training wheels.  At first I sat with the baby and watched the efforts.  It was really hot outside and eventually the heat started getting to my husband.  It took me forever to learn to ride my bike, but that struggle allowed me to teach my little sister to ride her bike in 5 minutes.  I decided that I could help Chazz learn to ride his bike.  I traded the chair and baby to the hubby and decided to take over bike duty.  Chazz fell many times during my help and during daddy's time helping.  But he only got hurt while I was helping.  He handled it well, but did decide he was done trying for the day.  Fun mom failure 2.

 

 

My favorite fun mom moment was over the 4th of July.  We always go "camping" at my Aunt's farm on the 4th of July.  We love it.  They have a lake and a super cool high dive.  The high dive is kind of a rite of passage.  Chazz decided he was ready to jump off of it, but he wanted me to go with him.  We climbed up onto the high dive and he insisted that I jump first.  I looked down at all my cousins in the water.  They yelled up wondering if this was my first time ever.  NO!  I had jumped off of the high dive lots of times...when I was a kid.  I knew from those experiences that the hardest part was just deciding to jump, so I did it.  I didn't want Chazz to think it was scary.

Of course I was successful with the jump!  I am obviously a pro at being a fun mom!  However, I guess I didn't make it look quite as easy as I though because Chazz decided he wasn't ready.  He decided to climb down from the high dive instead.  Even though he didn't jump, I am going to take this one as a fun mom win.  I think he will remember this for a while and remember how his mom was amazing enough to jump for him.

 

Any pointers or ideas for fun mom implementation?  I just remembered, I think the waterslide was a fun mom win, I didn't get stuck or anything.  What other activities should we try?

This one is a fashion blog - Flowy Pants

Leggings were or are all the rage.  I like leggings, but I don't have much room for them in my every day wardrobe.  I have already lived through one legging rage.  It was at that time that learned the rules of leggings.  There is mostly only one rule.  They are not pants.  They should be worn under something else that covers your butt so that people behind you can't see a fart bubble or something else.  My favorite way to wear leggings last time was to wear them under an oversized purple flannel shirt.  I looked SO cool.

 

The opposite of leggings is flowy pants.  Somehow I am finding these harder to wear.  I love them.  I love that they come in bold patterns and colors.  However, I am finding it very hard to figure out what kind of shirt to wear with them.  I googled flowy pants and found some examples.

 



 

Ummm, this look is not going to work for me, but I do love the pink flowers.

 

This one is not going to work for me either, but this is what I imagine I look like wearing flowy pants.

 



 

My friend left me this one on facebook, I think it might be getting closer to something I can actually wear.  I started out trying to wear a solid colored shirt.  This ended up looking a lot like pajamas.  While I was wearing my pajama look, I saw another woman walk by and she was wearing her flowy pants with her shirt tucked in.  Tucked in shirts are one of the big Catherine fashion no nos.  That might work if you have an itty bitty waist, but that is NOT my shape. 

 

I have decided to go with patterned shirts that are similar in color but not in pattern.  This is a little bit of a clown look.  I often don't follow traditional fashion rules, but I still feel I look good when I am out and about.  With this clown look, it took me a little more to get used to.  I kind of felt like people were looking at me funny.

 

However, I do have a very cool flowy pant dance that I do, and it made me realize I made the right fasion choice.