Are you German?

Today, during a break in the class I was instructing, a guy asked me if he could ask me a personal question. I got a little nervous, luckily the question was simply, "Are you German?" I told him that I was not, but thanks for asking. He said he was just wondering because I really reminded him of someone who he used to work with. I suppose that person was German.

I have been asked before if I was German. At that time, the person thought that my maiden name, Hocken, sounded German. It isn't, thanks for asking.

Today the question made me wonder if I look German. My new last name isn't even close to German, it is polish. My Stereotype of what Germans look like, is that they are tall and blond. The two Germans that I know are tall and blond. Maybe I AM tall and blond. Sure, I don't think I am, but I could come up with a whole philosophical argument about perception and just because I perceive myself as a 5'2" brunette, that doesn't mean that the rest of the world doesn't see me as a 5'10" blond. In fact, I am now sure that is how the rest of the world sees me. America's next top model, here I come.

Perhaps there is a slim chance that I am not perceived by others as a 5'10" blond. In that case, there is still one way I might be mistaken for German. Just this weekend my Grandma was talking to my two blond cousin in laws about how neat and tidy they are. I think she used the word immaculate. She suggested to the German cousin in law that it was because she was German. According to my Grandma, all Germans are immaculate and that is why Jenny is immaculate. The other immaculate blond cousin is not German. The thought is that she learned to be immaculate from her mother in law of German decent.

This leads me to believe, that people are mistaking me for German because not only am I a 5'10" blond, but I am also very neat and tidy and clean. I must dress very sharply and I must be amazing at cleaning house. Now, I never thought of myself this way, but it is obvious to me now that the confusion is only being caused by my faulty perception of myself.

Why have none of you told me that I am tall, blond, and immaculate? Is it because you figured I already knew? How do you perceive yourself? How do you think others perceive you?

I love cats...

...they taste like chicken.




When I was a kid, I loved cats. I especially loved kittens. I would run through the neighborhood petting and cuddling with all the neighborhood cats. I was delighted when my cousins got new kittens, they were just about the cutest thing I had ever seen.



My mom always knew that I had been out chasing cats. She knew because when I came home my eyes would be red, there would be tears streaming down my face, and I would be covered in snot. All of this because I am allergic to cats. My dad is more allergic than I am. Everytime I got a chance to wish, whether it was a shooting star or a birthday cake full of candles, I always made the same wish.



"I wish for 3 more wishes. Then I wish that I was not allergic to cats, that my dad was not allergic to cats, and that we can get a kitten."

As I got older I avoided cats more and more because I understood the trouble they caused me. Cats also understand the trouble they cause me and they are always able to pick me out of a crowd to come rub against.

Because of all this cat drama in my life, I no longer love them like I once did. I don't hate them, but I don't love them either.

The lady who sits next to me at work LOVES cats. This made it very awkward when two of my coworkers recently stopped by to chat at my desk.

Friend 1 and Friend 2 (I have to protect their identities because I know a lot of you out there are crazy cat people) were at my desk. Friend 1 mentioned how she had to get rid of her dog. She mentioned how she missed him, but her family just couldn't take care of a dog. Friend 2 mentioned how he was about to get rid of his cat. Friend 2 loves animals and has a ton of pets, but his cat was getting very old and was squirting liquid cat poo all over the house. Friend 2 mentioned that he would probably have to put the cat down, and that the cat was currently locked in the basement. The cat was in the basement to avoid further mess and to help with the heart break of when it would eventually be put down.

We probably joked about this a little more than we should have. I realized it had gone too far when the woman who sits next to me got up and left her desk in a huff 3 or 4 times.

After my friends had left, I tried to break the ice by bringing up the cat conversation. She was super pissed and said that she had a few choice words she wanted to share with them, but held herself back because she was at work. I thought maybe we joked a little too much about it, but I didn't think it was that bad. I had no idea what to say. All I could say is, "I have no response to that." Then I turned around and faced my computer again.

Now that I think about it, that response could get me out of a lot of strange situations. Someone says something rude, annoying, or just bizaar...I say, "I have no response to that" and walk away. I love it.

Do you have a good saying to instantly end a conversation? Do you want to share it? Would you have told off my friends for talking about killing their cats? Do you think that cats are very sneaky and definitely go after allergic people because they know they can cause trouble?

Heroes vs. Villians

I don't know if I can do it. My friend Nikki really wants me to, but I don't know if I can watch Survivor - Heroes vs. Villians.

If you don't know what I am talking about, look here: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor/

I missed the first season of Survivor, but since then I have watched all of them except this last one. Sure, there are heroes and villians in each, and sure some seasons are more memorable than others. I really like the heroes. I know people respect the villians for their clever game play, and as long as the villians stick to that, I can appreciate that as well. In fact, many of the villians are down right funny. I love funny.

However, the reason I didn't watch last season, was Russell. I watched two episodes and couldn't stand it anymore. Thursday is a big DVR day, and I found myself dreading watching Survivor because this man did more than just game play. He dumped out water and burned people's socks. That was just mean.

Russell is going to be on Survivor Heroes vs. Villians. So are some of my favorite heroes. Heroes like Colby, James, and especially Rupert. I am sure these fellas can take care of themselves, but I don't know if I can watch some jerk burning the socks of characters I already love. It was hard enough watching him burn the socks of strangers.

Anyway, I will try. If I don't, I will be left out of so many conversations. Plus, maybe my boys will rally to get rid of Russell right at the beginning.

Who is your favorite Survivor? Do you like heroes or villians?

(Feel free to comment "I don't even watch TV" if you want to be smug.)

No one cares what you had for lunch

For Christmas my friend Nikki got a book about blogging. I think she said it was called "No one cares what you had for lunch." The point of the book is that no one wants to know the stupid details of your life, like what you had for lunch. I agree, no one wants to know that for the 100th day in a row I had a plain cheeseburger, a plain taco, or a plain slice of pizza for lunch.

However, I think the activities that surround my lunch might be interesting.

A few weeks ago, as I was driving back to the office after lunch, and I noticed a car in the parking lot had a word written on the windshield in the snow. That word was TURD. This is one of the most hilarious things ever for several reasons.

1. Imagine if it was your car. You go out to it and see that the word Turd is written on it. So many thoughts would run through your head. Is the person saying that I am a turd? Is it an ironic message that I have "turd" on my windshield in the winter when all the birds have flown south? How did they manage to write it so neatly all the way across the windshield? Who was it?
2. Why the word turd? They didn't want to use profanity? Again, was it being ironic?
3. Who took the time to do this? It was in a professional building parking lot.
4. Is it ok if I steal this idea and do it to others? I think this would be good for anyone who parks in two spaces, props up their windshield wipers, or looks at me funny.

During another lunch, my friend Nikki and I scarfed our food so we could make a Target run at lunch. During the Target run she had to pick up some laundry detergent. We walked through the cleaning supply section, and as we got to each new type of cleaner, Nikki stopped, opened the container, and sniffed them.

I looked at her and yelled, "What is wrong with you? Stop this huffing! I cannot support this dangerous habit of yours!"

She looked at me and accused me of sounding just like Mary Margaret (my mom). She reminded me that she had never met my mom, but she was pretty sure that is what she sounds like.

Nikki claims that she was not huffing. She claims she is just very particular about the scent of her cleaning products.

I have seen more than my share of crime dramas. I know huffing when I see it.

What do you think? Is it normal to smell all the cleaning products as you walk through the store? Or do I have to start planning an Intervention and try to find a local rehab clinic?

no autographs...please.

It started months and months ago, but I didn't know it. Kim at work nominated her friend for a makeover on the Dr. Oz show. She didn't hear anything for a while and figured she didn't get selected. Finally she did get contacted. Her and her friend were selected to be on a segment about "housewives of Dr. OZ." However, the show wanted a group of girlfriends that would all try to lose weight together. Kim and her friend needed at least one more friend to be a group.

Kim asked her friend Renza to join them and she said yes. but she still sent out an email to a bunch of us at the office. They were going to try to do a karaoke group thing. Kim and Renza are members of a group at the office who I sometimes go to karaoke with. At first it sounded exciting. I was sure to get a great haircut at least. So I sent Kim my information and told her I was game even thought I didn't know what the Dr. Oz show was.

After I said I was interested, I started to think realistically about how the logistics would work. I reread the email and realized it was a weight loss thing. I figure this meant that they would drag me onto TV, in a sports bra, weigh me in front of everyone and then point out how stupid it is for me to eat fast food everyday. oops, I mean they would try to educate me about healthy ways to eat. The thing is, I am plenty educated about what foods are healthy...I just choose not to eat those things. Anyway, I realized that I didn't want my 15 minutes of fame to be wasted on showing the world how fat I am. I emailed Kim back and told her I wasn't interested.

There was lots of joking about how I should be offended that anyone would suggest I need to lose weight or need a makeover.

About a week later Kim called me. It was late Monday and I was at work. Renza had backed out, and Kim and her friend needed a third. We tried to think of other people who could step in...but the third person needed to be filmed the next day. Kim and her friend had already been filmed that day. I agreed to do it. A producer from the show called me a few minutes later. I was still at work and he asked me all kinds of weight questions. It was already embarrassing enough that I was answering the questions at work where everyone could hear me. The also asked me questions about my life. I think they were looking for my story. I think this is where I let them down. I have a great life. I don't have a tragic story that caused me to suddenly get fat. It just happened gradually as I got older. The only thing the producer found interesting was when I told him my favorite song to sing at karaoke was "Wonderboy" by Tenacious D. After we talked he told me he would call me later that evening. They would film me at home and in Detroit the next day (he seemed a little disappointed that I didn't live in Detroit). The plan was to film the whole group walking out of the Ren Cen, to get the lovely Detroit skyline, and then film us toasting eachother into weightloss. Then, they would fly us out to New York City the next week.

I got no call that evening.

I was a little disappointed because I had hyped myself up for it, but I was also relieved. I couldn't afford to take 2 days off of work this month. I also didn't want to be fat on TV. I also didn't want to work my butt off so I could impress TV land.

I would like to think that they didn't pick me because I was too pretty as a before and there wouldn't be a drastic enough change after my makeover. Or perhaps they thought I was too thin and you wouldn't be able to see my weightloss on TV. OR maybe they thought I was too well adjusted and that they wouldn't be able to make me cry on TV.

It would be very complimentary if they didn't choose me for any of those reasons. Turns out they just thought they didn't have enough time. Oh well, I think I will go on thinking it was because I am too beautiful.

I've been thinkin about my doorbell, when you gonna ring it...

VERY early this morning, just about 4:30 am, I swear I heard our doorbell ring and it woke me up. I kind of freaked out. I don't think you ever experience good things ringing your doorbell at that time in the morning. At least you don't when you are all settled in and established.

I got out of bed and peeked out the bedroom window. I saw nothing. I listened very carefully. I heard nothing. I woke up poor Nathan to see if he heard it. He heard nothing. I refused to go downstairs to look out the peep hole. (by the way, we have two peep holes in the front door. Nathan and I differ in height by about a foot, so we installed 2 peep holes so he could see out of one and I could see out of the other.)

I figured only the following bad things could be ringing our doorbell:

• A drunk person at the wrong house.
• A murderer
• A burglar
• A vampire (Once you invite them into your home, they can come and go as they please. At least that is how it worked with old school vampires. These new sparkly vampires might work differently)
• Zombies
• Mummies
• The Gestapo ("knock knock", "Who's there?", "The Gestapo", "The Gestapo who?" SLAP, "The Gestapo will be asking the questions.")
• Police or Firemen with bad news about the death of my family.

I was nervous but I tried to convince myself that it was all in my dream and I went back to sleep. About two hours later I woke up in a panic. What if someone had orphaned a new born baby in a basket on my stoop and I didn't answer that door? That poor baby would have been freezing out there for hours. So, finally I mustered up the courage to check the front door.

There was nothing there. So, it was either a dream, or the monsters got tired of waiting and ran off to another house.

Don't copy me

When I was a kid, and I thought it was funny to copy what people said, my dad would say, "copy me....don't copy me...copy me..." Well, now that I am an adult, I don't have many people copying me, except on TV. Pam on the office is trying to copy me. First I worked in an office, then she worked in an office. Then, I had a pink double breasted wool coat and then she had THE EXACT SAME COAT one season.

Well I just watched the wedding episode and was not at all surprised that she copied me again. There is the obvious thing...I married a handsome tall drink of water and then she did. But what I did not expect her to wear my dress. It looks just a little different, but I think it was because of her preggo boobs. That is the one place she did not copy me. I was not preggo on my wedding day.