Ever Vigilant of People Falling in Love With Me.

I am new to binge watching shows.  We just got Netflix streaming to watch the Bill Murray Christmas Special (totally worth it) and when I found I could watch shows on my phone while I am doing the dishes and the kids are watching boring things on the TV, I was hooked.


I have been binge watching The Office and Gilmore Girls.  I watch it when I do the laundry, or go on the treadmill, or do the dishes, or drive to work.  (just kidding, I don't watch and drive, although that would be awesome)  I have learned that the trouble with binge watching shows, is that you get sucked into them and then you kind of feel like you are in that world.  Does this happen for everyone?  It makes me think I better be careful before I binge watch the Sopranos or Orange is the new black.  Anyway, this is not a problem when I watch The Office, because that world is very similar to my world.  I pick a person who is me, Jim, and then that world and my world are very similar.  We are both hilarious and we both work in an office with crazy people.

Gilmore Girls is causing me a bigger problem.  Loralai and Rory are very similar, so I have decided that I am a combo of the two.  Then, the plots of the shows are a mix of every man they meet falling in love with them and not getting along with their parents/grandparents.  I saw my parents this weekend and as much as I tried to get them to judge my life choices of 16 years ago, they were delightful and did no such thing.  They didn't try to manipulate me or get mad for arbitrary reasons.  They also get most of my jokes.  So obviously that part didn't match up.  This must mean that the part about every man I meet being in love with me is extra true.  I must be constantly vigilant that everyone I meet has fallen in love with me because of my quirky personality, my witty banter, and my love of junk food.  I can't read a book in front of anyone or listen to cool music because then they will extra fall in love with me.  It is fine to go through life with everyone being in love with me.  Everyone knows that Jess is the best boyfriend on Gilmore Girls and he shares many of his too smart, antisocial, bad boy characteristic with my husband, so that is a good fit.  The part that I have to be vigilant about is my admirers trying to lock eyes with me and then pulling me into passionate kisses.  This has not happened to me yet, but I watched a lot of Gilmore Girls this weekend and it happened to them a ton.  SO, I better be prepared. 


What do you think the best plan is to fend off all these passionate embraces?

No, I am not pregnant, thanks for asking...

...said no woman ever.


I will admit it, I have a body type that makes me look a little pregnant.  It has gotten worse in my old age and after the babies stretched out all my guts.  I always think that I have made peace with it, until someone gives me the up and down look and then assumes I am pregnant and asks me something about it.  I thought we had decided as a society that this is very rude.  I know that the people who do this do not intend to offend me, but we all know they are saying I am fat.  Once I tell them I am not pregnant, they get awkward.  People feel bad that they have insulted me.  They try to apologize and then I feel bad for them.  I think that if you accidentally insult someone in this way, you should add another insult and then walk away.  That way, you continue to be the bad guy and I only have to feel bad because you insulted me, not because you feel bad.  It might go like this:
      Rude Person (after up and down look):  oh, when is your due date?
      Me:  In the past, I already had three babies.
      Rude Person:  Good, because you have a really ugly face and you wouldn't want to pass that on to more children.  (mic drop and walk away)


If I were to take this another level higher, I could think of all the ways that the person is really paying me a compliment.  Here are some ways that I have come up with, feel free to add some yourself.

• The person assumes that I am young enough to get pregnant.  Perhaps I should respond with, "I do look young, don't I!  Thanks for noticing."
• The person notices that my children are so adorable and well behaved that I would obviously want as many as possible.  Perhaps I should respond with, "My current children are a delight, aren't they!"
• Similar to the previous point, the person realizes that my mothering skills are at rockstar levels and they just assume that I would want as many children as possible to experience my awesome mothering. Perhaps I should respond with, "I will just start parenting your children if you want."
• The person notices that my marriage is delightful (and/or how attractive my husband is) and assumes that I am having a lot of marital relations.  Perhaps I should respond with, "Please stop picturing me and my husband naked."
• The person notices how hot and social I am and assumes I am having a lot of extramarital adult relations.  Perhaps I should respond with just a few gyrating hip thrusts in their general direction.

Can you think of any others?  Compliment away!

A Florida Fashion Blog

I just got back from a lovely Florida vacation. 

Disclaimer:  I did not visit any of my friends or family in Florida because I am disorganized and lazy.

My mom went to Florida in early January.  She had a great time there with her dad and some of her sisters.  While she was there, she purchased several new shirts and a hoody to help her look like a local instead of a tourist.  When my mom came home she REALLY wanted to lend me her Florida clothes so that I could look like a local also.

On one hand, no one wants to dress like her mom.  It doesn’t matter how stylish my mom is, I will always feel that I am young and hip and couldn’t possibly wear the same clothes as my mom. 

On the other hand, I saw the shirts and the hoody and most of them were totally my style.  They were wildly patterned, crazily colored, and generally flowy.  So, either my mom’s fashion is getting hipper, or mine is getting …well let’s not think about that. 

I took the clothes, but I am not sure that native Floridians are known for wearing loud colorful clothes.  It seems to me that it might be a thing that tourists do when they visit Florida.  When I got to Florida I realized the shirts were long sleeved, so I didn’t even wear them.  When I am in Florida, I am wearing short or no sleeves!  I don’t care what the temperature is!  I don’t need no stinkin bleepity bleep long sleeves.  I can wear them when I am in Michigan.  My pits need to breath.  This is the same reason I didn’t take many socks to Florida.  I am not wearing any stinkin bleepity bleep bleep socks in Florida. 

It doesn’t matter what native Floridians wear, or what other humans wear, because I did not dress anything like them while I was in Florida.  I didn’t mean to look like a lunatic in Florida, but I think I had a faulty packing technique.  I went through all my summer clothes and picked out all my favorite shorts.  My favorite shorts are all colorful with cool designs like flowers, palm trees, or pink flamingos on them.  Then I went through all my summer clothes and picked out all my favorite shirts.  My favorite summer shirts are brightly decorated in paisleys, flowers, and swirls.  When I got to Florida, I combined the patterned shorts with the uncoordinated patterned shirts.  To really bring the look together, I added flowered sunglasses and a big pink sunhat so I wouldn’t get sunburned.  Once it all came together, it looked totally Catherine, but very little like anything that “locals” anywhere would wear.  It could have been worse.  What if the patterns on my shorts and the patterns on my shirts matched like pajamas for 4 year olds.  That would have been much much worse.  I need to aim for coordinating, not matching.

Tell me about your coordinated outfit vacation packing techniques…please?