Kindergarten Holiday party

When I was a kid, my mom was the home room mother for my class and for my sister's class.  That means she planned and ran every party for each of our classes.  She did an amazing job.  She would manage all the other mothers and she would make sure there were wonderful snacks there.  She would have age appropriate games and crafts.  I just figured that is how every elementary school party went.

When I grew up, many of my friends also were like this.  There were battles about who got to take over each class party.  About a week ago, I experienced my first class party.

The teacher asked if I could come help out.  This should have been a warning.  If any one like my "home room mother" friends was in charge of this party, I wouldn't have heard about it from the teacher.  There would have been an official newsletter sent home with information about what was needed, how many volunteers could come, and every other detail of the party.  But, I am a newbie.  I assumed that these "home room mothers" would be there and I would be their assistant.  I should have noticed the warning the night before when my son just happened to mention that we were supposed to bring in cookies to decorate.  When I asked him what kind, he said he thought he probably needed chocolate chip.  Even I knew that you don't send in chocolate chip cookies to be decorated.

I showed up the day of the party when school started.  I had a box of sugar cookies with me.  It is a good thing I was ready for action.  I guess lots of moms were scheduled to help out, but they had to back out for various reasons.  Two other moms were there for a few minutes or so, but they were less prepared than I was.  Before I knew it, I was taking charge.  The morning project included decorating sugar cookie men. (The teacher read 4 books about gingerbread people to the class, yet, they didn't decorate gingerbread men, they decorated sugar cookies.  I didn't want to ruin the party, so I kept this observation to myself)  I passed out candy and cookies and frosting.  I told other moms what to do.  I wrote names on plates.  I gave helpful hints on how to make graham cracker houses.  I was following in my mother's footsteps.  It was exhausting AND messy. 

When I was done in the morning, I had a new respect for all kindergarten teachers.  My boy really wanted me to go to lunch with him, so I did.  It was a mad house.  When I was done with lunch, I had a new respect for lunch ladies.  My boy wanted me to go out to recess with him, but mommy needed a break.  I knew they had art class after lunch, so I went home and came back after a little rest.  The silence sounded SO good when I got home.

The afternoon was supposed to be about a gingerbread man chase and crafts.  The whole story of the gingerbread man is that he runs away and everyone has to chase him.  While the kids were at art class, the gingerbread men "ran away".  The kids went around the school asking each class if they had seen the gingerbread men and where they went.  The kids loved it.  I don't think the principal loved it.  I thought it was a great idea until we found all the cookies and the kids had to take them back to the class.  My kid got knocked by another kid and dropped his cookies.  He cried.  He was not the only one.  The teacher was sweet and let him decorate some more cookies.  I was the only mom who volunteered in the afternoon.  After my success in the morning, I figured it was no problem.  I was wrong.  The teacher put my at the glitter table.  My mom hates glitter.  She does every craft you can think of, but she doesn't do glitter.  There is a reason that glitter glue was invented.  There were other tables with other projects, but the glitter table was the most popular.  The craft was to cut a chain of Christmas trees and then decorate them with loose glitter and pom poms.  REALLY?

 

My mom plans a lot of crafts for kids, and I often think that she underestimates the abilities of the children, but now I know why.  If I had been sitting with one kid, I could have helped one kid do this project, but not with a mob of kids.  First of all, little kid scissors can't cut through six layers of construction paper.  I had to cut them all out with the teacher scissors.  Secondly, I forgot that 5 and 6 year olds don't understand the concept of a little glue.  All of their trees were drowning in glue.  Thirdly, LOOSE GLITTER!  Surprisingly the glitter got all over the floor and then the boys, including mine, decided it was fun to pick it up and throw it on people.  That was cute for a second until it got out of control because the kids had been eating cookies and candy non stop.  One little girl got too crowded at the carefully "glitter proofed" table and got in big trouble when she took a container of loose glitter to one of the other tables.  I suppose I should have prevented that since I was at the glitter table.  In the end, it didn't even matter because there wasn't enough time to let the project dry and so they all got wadded up into glue/paper/glitter balls.

Anyway, I don't mean to say that the teacher is bad at coming up with crafts, for pete's sake, she came up with all the other great parts of the day, and had no one to help her with the planning or preparation.  I did learn that a person can't get too cocky when dealing with kindergarteners, they are amazing balls of energy.  I also learned that if I want to be a hot shot home room mother, I need to get involved before the night before the party.  I need to be involved in the party planning.  I think that soon I might be taking charge.  This could mean trouble.  I can't help it, it is in my blood.

Look in front of your nose.

When I was a kid, my mom would always tell us to go find something.  These things were not hidden, but somehow we could never find them.  She would come over to where she told us to look, find it right away, then she would be mad that we couldn't "look in front of our noses."  As I slowly turn into my mother, I have discovered that this might be one of the mom powers that a woman gains once she has children. 

I used to think this was a made up thing, until I started getting super powers myself.  It started with super hearing.  I swear there was a physical change in my hearing when I had kids.  A cough or sneeze from a baby will wake me right up.  This becomes a curse when the baby cries during the day.  The crying gets inside my head and I can't function until the crying stops.

Now I have the finding power as well.  My own mother would have never expected this.  Today was the perfect example.  My husband needed his belt, I told him exactly where it was.  The big thing was my son.  He had lost three lunch boxes, a pair of shoes, and a pair of snowpants in the last few weeks.  I have often found his lunch box in the lost and found.  The lost and found is right outside the lunch room and his lunch box was sitting right out on top of everything, but he never looked in front of his nose to find it.  He told me yesterday that he would go to the lost and found and bring home all his lost stuff, but when he got home, he told me that they weren't there.  This morning I went to school with him to find them myself.  When I got to the lost and found, I was a little worried because it must have just been cleared out.  There were no lunch boxes or snowpants hanging around.  I had to concede that the boy was correct.  I decided to walk him to his class just to make sure his teacher got her present and that it didn't get lost along the way.  As we were waiting for the bell to ring, a little girl came running towards us with shoes in her hand.  She told us that Charles left his shoes in the class.  This was an amazing girl.  I asked her if she knew where his lunch box was.  She ran off again and met us at the classroom door with two of his missing lunchboxes.  They were in his classroom, in the lunch box basket.  The last thing to find was his snowpants.  I went into the room and they were hanging up right where they should be.  Is this a thing for all kids?  They were right in front of his face!!!  I left the shoes and snowpants there for him to use today.  On the way out the teacher asked me to help with their party tomorrow and I said I would help.

SO, is it more likely that a five year old boy can't find his snowpants that are right in front of his face, or that his teacher hid them so that she could catch me to get me to come for the party.  I would like to believe that the teacher was being manipulative, but deep in my heart I know that it is the boy who can't look in front of his nose.  I think he got that from me.

Does anyone have a technique for keeping lunch boxes and snow pants and winter stuff all together?

Killing my can-do attitude?

Generally I have a can-do attitude.  Part of this is believing that the weather is not the boss of me.  If someone says, "hey don't do this, the roads will be too slippery," I scoff at them.  I proclaim that the the weather is not the boss of me.  Well, lately, this belief is really butting heads with reality.

It started Saturday.  Saturday had a pretty packed schedule regardless of the weather.  We live on the west side of the greater Detroit area.  We were invited to a baby shower and a Christmas Party on the east side of the greater Detroit area.  Obviously, only the girls were invited to the baby shower, but the whole family was to go to the Christmas party.  This meant that the plan was to go to the shower, drive home, pick up the fellas, and head back east.

In the morning, my can do attitude was still alive and kicking.  I was supposed to to go the shower with my Mother in law and my Sister in law. They live about an hour south of our house and the snow was crazy there, so they decided not to risk it.  In my usual fashion, I proclaimed that the weather was not the boss of me.  I packed up my two year old daughter and my three month old daughter and headed east in the snow.

The roads were bad, but not terrible.  We were only a half hour late to the shower.  My can do attitude was really tested when we tried to get from the car into the shower.  I was lugging the baby, diaper bag, purse, and gift as I tried to keep the two year old from getting hit by a car.  We were victorious.  We were tested again when the two year old's diaper started leaking.  I took both of the girls into the bathroom and miraculously they had a fancy sitting room or bride changing room where I could put the baby down while I changed the other one.  I also arose to the challenge when the two year old wanted to sit on the potty.  She didn't actually "go" on the potty, but I managed to get her in there, pull her pants down, get her on the potty, and balance holding her while holding the baby.  My can-do confidence had never been higher.  Sure, we had our struggles, but we had overcome amazing difficulties.

In the end, the weather won.  We got back into the car and the roads were worse when we drove home. It took two hours to drive home.  This meant that an equally long trip back would mean missing the party.  I had to suck it up and tell people that we couldn't make it to the party.  This sounds like it is not a big deal, but it is huge for me.  I can't decide if it is freeing or not.  Part of it was that we would miss the party anyway because it would take so much time to get there, but part of it was also seeing the cars that had been in accidents.  I was confident in my driving in the snow, but I kept seeing people drive like maniacs and I was was worried that they might hit the back of my car and smoosh the kids.  That morbid thought was part of the decision to let the weather win.  I might become a worry wart.

What is your policy about when to let the weather be the boss of you?

Five Guys Below and Beyond!

I have a can-do attitude.  I like to believe I can do anything that I put my mind to.  On occasion, it turns out I am wrong...dead wrong.

This morning when I woke up I had a plan.  The hubby would take our 5 year old son to see Thor 2 and while they were gone I would take our daughters, 2 years old and 3months old, Christmas shopping.  This seemed like a very good idea for the following reasons:

• It would allow for father son bonding.
• It would allow for mother daughter bonding.
• I would not have to sit through Thor 2.
• The kids are better behaved at the store when there are less of them.

The movie didn't start until 3:30 so the hubby suggested that we do a little of the shopping together as a family.  This taught me a lesson.  The lesson is that a mother cannot go shopping in December with multiple children and no other adult.

First we went to Bed Bath and Beyond.  It started out lovely.  However, my children are loving inquisitive creatures.  This meant that they had to hug me whenever I was trying to squeeze through somewhere and that they had to pick up everything they saw.  I had coupons and we found everything we needed, so I consider that one a win.

Then we went to Five Below, which I like to call Five Under. I got a lot of goodies, but the place was a mad house and the children wanted everything.  I had some piece of paper that meant they would donate money to the kid's school, but with all the commotion, I forgot to give it to them, I call that a tie.

The loss was Five Guys.  I don't know why we go to Five Guys.  I think it is the fancy pop machine and the all you can eat peanuts.  This must be a huge draw, because when we got there ALL the tables were taken.  My favorite was an 8 seater with one girl sitting at it.  She was working on some sort of mobile tablet device, drinking pop, and eating peanuts.  I am pretty sure her plan was to stay there all day until the pop machine and the peanut boxes were empty.  She had already emptied half the pop fountain as many of the flavors were no longer available.  I was trying to give her the stink eye as my family  of 5, with many small children, tried to eventually sit at a 4 seater high top.  After a minute, I gave up on my stink eye.  I was torn about whether I felt sad for her because she was living at Five Guys, or if I was impressed that this person had managed to fend off starvation with the simple cost of a soda pop.  By the time our food was done, we managed to find a regular 4 seater.  The only downside was that I had to put the baby's seat on the floor and she was forced to have another customer's thong showing butt in her face.  A small price to pay for fancy pop and all you can eat peanuts.  The baby was asleep most of the time anyway.

What are your secrets for cheap/free nutrition?  Dumpster diving at high end grocery stores?  Sitting all day at OCB?  Chugging salsa?  Please share.

We should have gone to Arby's

I blame swimming lessons.  Normally, my son Chazzy Chazz has swimming lessons on Mondays at 7:00.  There is no way we can all get home and have dinner and get to swimming lessons on time, so we all head to the "Fancy McDonalds" for dinner.  It is fast, the kids love it, and it is pretty close to swimming lessons.  Last week was the last week for this session of swimming lessons, so today we could do anything we wanted for dinner.  Well, it is Monday, and I wasn't in weekly meal planning mode yet, so we had to go out to eat.  The kids knew it was Monday, so they got all excited about McDonalds.  The big decision was what McDonalds should we go to.

• The McDonalds by Meijer is only about 2 miles away, but it always has a bunch of crazy people who sit around there all day.  The crazy people love to talk to the kids.
• The McDonalds by Sams club is good for drive through, but the lady inside always gets our order wrong.
• The Fancy McDonalds is fancy, but the workers always have attitude and I have to hear too much about their plans for how they are going to get home after work.

The only McDonalds that sounded good was Andrew's McDonalds.  Uncle Andrew claims that the McDonalds in Ypsilanti on Washtenaw has the best chicken nuggets, even though they look burned.  So we headed out to the place where everybody knows Uncle Andrew's name.

We got there right after the power had flickered and messed up a bunch of their machines.  That was only the start of the weirdness.

We all know our job when we get to McDonalds.  My husband takes the baby and finds a seat.  I order the food because I have the amazing ability to remember what everyone likes to eat.  The kids run back and forth between the two of us.

Traditionally my husband is very unapproachable.  He is tall, dark, handsome, and usually has a fierce look upon his face.  I am not unapproachable.  This unapproachability really comes in handy when you are walking through a market in Jamaica.  However, our children are adorable and they greatly reduce my husband's unapproachability, especially at McDonalds.  Today, while the hubby was sitting and waiting for the food, a guy came up to him and started talking.  I was giggling because my husband hates talking to strangers and there he was stuck.  It took a while to figure out the whole story of what was going on.  A young guy was claiming that he was homeless, and wanted to stay at a shelter in Ann Arbor.  He claimed the Ann Arbor shelter was filled up, he slept in a box last night,  but there was room in a shelter in Grand Rapids and he needed to get there.  Somehow, all this required that he borrow my husband's phone.  As the young guy is telling his story to my husband, an old guy comes up, gives my husband 5 bucks and tells him to spend it on the kids, but not to give it to this young guy.  A few small bits of food sprayed out of his mouth when he said it.  I think this caused the young guy to limit his request to using the phone and he didn't ask us for money.

The young guy never came to talk to me, but I heard him talking to most of the people in the restaurant.  For a minute he left with some really old guy, probably to get a ride somewhere, but he came back in shortly after that.

I am torn when it comes to people like this that need help.  On one hand, it is the right thing to do to help people.  On the other hand, you always hear about people who are begging just to get booze or drugs.  Either way, they always give you a sob story, but you don't know their motives.  They could intend to rob you or something worse.  I am glad my husband let the guy use his phone.  Even that would have made me nervous.  The guy could have stolen the phone.  While I was standing in line, I was really worried he would ask me for money and I was trying to decide how to respond.  When I finally got to our seat with the food, I heard the story about the old man and the 5 bucks.  The old guy had left by then, but the young homeless guy had not.  When I saw the money, I knew we had to give it to the homeless guy even though the old guy told us not to. 

I think we have to add Andrew's McDonalds to the "do not visit" list.  Do you think all this should tell me something about the type of people that frequent McDonalds?  What does it say about my family that we are in that group?  Is this a hint from the universe that we have to eat healthier?  What is your general philosophy when approached by panhandlers?

Crafty Autumn

I just got done with 6 weeks of maternity leave.  Whenever I go on maternity leave, I think that there is so much that I am going to get done.  Then, when I am on leave I realize that I am not going to get anything done because I will be taking care of a newborn baby.  It was wonderful taking care of my new little baby, but somehow it made me want to make stuff.  This is what I managed to make.

 

Seasonal P

 

Both of my recently departed Grandmothers were wonderful artists.  One of my Grandmas specialized in seasonal wreaths.  She really did an amazing job.  She would add flowers and bows and all kinds of amazing things.  I have never been one to hang many seasonal decorations, but something about this maternity leave made me want to hang something on the door.  The idea of making a halloween wreath was too intimidating, so I decided to make a P.  My last name starts with P so it made sense to choose this letter instead of other ones to hang on the door.

 

 

Instructions:

All craft blogs give instructions, so here are mine:

Go to the craft store and buy a big cardboard letter, some seasonal duck tape, and whatever other seasonal accoutrements look fun.  I selected some orange spider lace, sparkly bats, and skeleton ribbon.  This worked out great for me because I have been looking for a reason to buy both giant cardboard letters AND fancy duck tape.  The hardest step is covering the cardboard letter with duck tape.  Duck tape is surprisingly difficult to cut, it really gummed up my scissors.  Anyway, I covered the letter.  I made a flower out of the lace by gathering the lace with a needle and thread and then wrapping it around.  I fascinated that and the bats with thumb tacks.  The thumb tacks were my husbands idea because he is a genius.  Suprisingly, I don't have a glue gun.  Well, I did inherit one from my grandma's collection, but I forget where I put it.  I hung this on the door using one of those temporary sticky hook and it has lasted beautifully.

Instructions

 

Hanging Towel

 

I love hanging towels.  I won a hanging towel at a baby shower a few years back and I have worn it out.  I won a halloween hanging towel (the one on the right in the picture), but since it was the only one I had, I used it all year long.  I love it because it is always there to dry my hands after I wash them.  If I hang a towel on the stove, someone will use it within 2 minutes and they NEVER put it back.  They always wad it up and leave it on the counter.  Then, I don't want to use it because I don't know if that is the hand drying towel or the towel that someone used to clean up vomit.  While I was on break I decided to make a new one to replace the worn out one.





 

Instructions:

I purchased some seasonal hand towels at Target for $1.  I had some seasonal yarn and ton of giant plastic crystal beads.  I folded the towel in half. I used the seasonal yarn and a yarn needle to stitch accross the fold.  I think "knit and crochet today" told me it is called a mattress stitch.  I triple crocheted back and forth along the fold until the yarn part was long enough to wrap around the oven door handle.  I skipped a few stitches near the end to make a button hole.  I sewed the giant plastic crystal bead to the crocheted part to work as a button.  This worked great.  There was one downside, this one stays on the oven nicely, but it is easier to remove than the old one.  After a week or so, I did find it wadded up on the counter.  I will wash it and try again.  At least it hung on longer than 2 minutes.

 

Nemo Costume

 

The nice thing about being on maternity leave in the fall is that I could make a halloween costume for the baby.  My 2 year old insisted that the baby should be a fish for halloween.  I looked online and all the fish costumes I found were for much bigger babies.  I decided I could make one myself.  My plan was to make a baby sack that looked like a fish and then also make a matching hat.

 

Instructions:

I wrapped some yarn around the baby to see how big her bag should be.  Then I slip stitched a line as long as that and then connected the ends.  I crocheted in the round until I got it long enough to be a bag.  I wanted it to look like Nemo, so I varied the height of the stitch as I went along.  Generally, it was 5 single crochets, 1 half double, 1 double, 5 triples, 1 double, 1 half double.  I adjusted this so that the tall orange parts would line up with the short white parts.  The black lines were just single crochets.  At the end I sewed together the bottom and added a fin that was triple crochets with two triple crochets worked into each one.  The hardest part for me was the hat.  For some reason I can't crochet hats.  Normally I would cheat and use a hat knitting loom.  This didn't work for the baby, I didn't have a good size for her head.  I thought that I read that you make hats by starting with six stitches in a circle then increase each row.  That is not how you make a hat.  That is how you make a circle.  So I made a circle that I thought was the size of her head but it ended up being much bigger than her head.  I kept crocheting in decreases to make it fit on her head.  This is why it looks like a funny golf hat.  To make it look fishy, I added another fit to the top.  If I had more time, I would have added some fins to the side as well.  She definitely looked cute in it.  I think this may have exhausted my costume making skills.

 

What season makes you feel crafty?  What are your favorite projects.

Pinterest wants me to be a hoarder

 Buttons made by using type 6 plastic as shrinky dinks.

Sandwich holder made out of a milk gallon.

Wallet made out of orange juice carton.

I love to look at Pinterest, but they have a ton of ideas I would never do.  I look at their party favors or their fancy lunch designs and I wonder why I would ever want to do that.  I do love to find cool crochet patterns and recipes and a few other unique things out there but my real interest is limited.

Lately, I have found a gray area. This gray area consists of things that look easy enough to make, and might be fun, and can be made out of garbage.  I think Pinterest is using this gray area to turn me into a hoarder.  It started with the buttons.  It is kind of hard to find type 6 plastic.  It turns out it is used in cider mill donut containers.  So, I cut some out and when I get a ton of free time, I will try to shrink it down into buttons.  Sure, I don't need any buttons right now, but how cool to be able to make some.  I don't even want sandwich holders or wallets, but I want to see if I can make these myself.

All of a sudden, I am super tempted to pull these elements out of the recycle bin.  I am SO close to being THAT person who piles up trash around the house because I might make something out of it SOMEDAY.  That is how it starts.  OK, it starts with being messy.  Check.  I already have that.  Next I am stacking up milk, orange juice, and donut containers around the house.  Add a few dead cats and I am ready to be full blown hoarder and we have to sleep in a tent in the back yard because I have filled up the house with garbage.

Do you do Pinterest?  What is your weakness?  Do you actually do any of the projects?

Kindergarten baby

It all started last week.  Last week, my friend Awkward Mom (that is her blog name, she is very funny and I will link to her kindergarten adventures so you can compare) attended a kindergarten meet and greet.  Her experience turned out pretty good, but it also made me nervous about our school meet and greet scheduled for the next day.  I took my gigantically preggo self, 5 year old Chazzy Chazz, and 2 year old Dessy Dess.  When we arrived the pointed us towards the kindergarten section after handing us two popsicles on sticks.  The kids were thrilled by the popsicles for about 5 seconds before they remembered that they don't know how to handle popsicles on sticks.  I can't decide if this is because I have failed them as a mother, or if it is because I have succeeded hugely.  I am afraid of food on a stick, because I don't want a sliver in my tongue.  However, how will the children learn to file the stick into a shiv if I never give them that opportunity?  I used to do that all the time when I was a kid.  Anyway, I was stuck holding two melting popsicles as we found the teacher.  She was very  nice and made a big deal about Chazz having a good name.  Then I went off to meet other moms and let the children play on the playground.  I didn't meet any new life long friends.  One group of women talked to me a little bit about how I looked like I was about to pop, but as soon as I pointed out our kids might be in the same class, they stopped talking to me.  Another woman started talking to me, but only to tell me about her home daycare.  Overall, that one was not a great time.

The next kindergarten event was the last day of daycare.  Chazz has been going to the same wonderful daycare (Grandma's place) since he was 6 weeks old.  They have taken amazing care of my children and I feel that they really love them.  On Chazz's last day, he took cookies and was very excited for his last day.  The wonderful Ms. Connie took Chazz and Maika (the other soon to be kindergartner) to Chuck E. Cheese.  They had a wonderful time, but everyone realized at the end of the day that they would miss each other and it got emotional for everyone.  I have pictures, but they refuse to upload.

We had a wonderful low key Labor Day weekend, and then it happened.  The big day came.  The first day of kindergarten happened.  We did great.  The Chazzster doesn't like sandwhiches, so unfortunately I couldn't make any of the cool things displayed on pinterest.  Instead I cooked some dinosaur shaped nuggets the night before and put them in his lunch.  We took the adorable first day pictures on the porch.  Chazz put his arm around his sister's shoulders and when I said, "close up on Chazz" she put her arm around him.  They were adorable.  We walked to the bus and Chazz got on like a trooper.  Dessy Dess lost it at that point.  I don't think she cared about missing her brother.  I think she cared that she didn't get to go on the bus.  She had her back pack on and everything, she was ready to go.  I sent her off to daycare with daddy, and I headed to the school.  I got there just in time to catch the Chazzster getting off the bus.  We found his class and he wiggled in through the crowd.  I was going to leave, but I saw that all the other parents were staying.  At my gigantic size, it was not easy for me to wiggle into the room, but I managed.  Chazz was already on top of things, hanging up his backpack.  I showed him the spot with his name tag where he was supposed to sit.  He sat down and just started coloring with the crayons and paper they had left at his seat.  I asked him if he wanted me to stay a while, or get out of there.  He said, "Get out of here."  That was fine.  I can take a hint.

As I was leaving the room, a woman I recognized walked in with her daughter.  I think she is from swimming lessons and I think that they change next to us in the locker room.  I was happy to see a familiar face, but it is a little weird to think that our kids have seen each other naked.  When I picked up Chazz from the bus stop, I think I saw the same woman drive by with her kids.  SO maybe she is also our neighbor and I never realized it.

Overall, starting Kindergarten was a success.  Chazz came home with nothing but good things to say.  He made at least one friend, if not more.  He loved all the recesses they got.  He loved lunch and snack time.  He came home with a mountain of papers for me to fill out.  His only semi complaint was that music class just had a bunch of songs.  I am wondering what he expected that to include.

Tonight is the PTO snow cone party.  It kind of sounds like torture to me.  Maybe I can play the "I am pregnant and delicate" card and skip the whole thing.

Did your first days go well?

Sweet love burning on a Saturday Night...

I have been to two BEAUTIFUL weddings this month.  Whenever I attend a wedding, I come away with ideas I didn't have before.  I like to say to my husband, "next time we get married we should..."

• Use gladiolas as our flowers.
• Incorporate more purple.
• Not make the bridesmaids all wear the same dresses.
• Have me dressed in a color other than white
• etc.

One of the weddings we attended included the bride and groom singing a duet.  I added this to the list of things I want to do next time we get married. I didn't recognize the song they sang, so I have been kicking around some alternatives that we could use next time we get married.

• "Whenever I call you friend" by Stevie Nicks and Kenny Loggins.  Con - The song starts out really cheesy and lame.  Pro - Very appropriate theme for a wedding.  Also, at the end it turns very disco.  Imagine our wedding duet turning into a fabulous choreographed disco.  I think we could get our guests to join in as well.
• "Don't go braking my heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee.  Con - Nathan pointed out that this is really more famously done by Elton John and Miss Piggy.  Would I want people to think I looked like Miss Piggy in my second wedding dress?  Also, the song is a little lame.  Pro - Also good for the crowd breaking into a disco.
• "I would do anything for love...but I won't do that." by Meatloaf and some mystery woman.  Con - Most of the song is sung by Meatloaf.  The mystery woman only has a few lines in the "Would you hose me down with holy water, If I get too hot?" section.  This would be a very one sided duet unless we traded off on the rest of the verses.  Pro - This song rocks and I am already really good at singing it and really putting on a show thanks to karaoke.
• "Total Eclipse of the heart" by Bonnie Tyler and some unknown male singer.  Con - this one has the opposite problem of the previous song.  Most of the good parts of the song are sung by the woman.  I guess we would have to trade off on this one as well.  Also, this song doesn't really have a good theme for a wedding ceremony.  Pro - This is another one I am good at in karaoke.
• "I got you babe" by Sonny and Cher.  Con - This song is lame and Nathan claims he doesn't know it.  Pro - The only plus is that the song is pretty even between guy and girl parts.

Thinking of singing these songs in front of a church full of my friends and family got me thinking of one of my other favorite situations that will never happen.  Which of the following songs would you prefer to perform as a solo at church?

• "What if God was one of us" - Joan Osbourne
• "Personal Jesus" - Depeche Mode
• "Like a Prayer" - Madonna

 Can you think of others that would be fun to pass as appropriate, but probably aren't?  One time I was at the store in the music department and an elderly couple came up to me and asked if I could help them find the song that was the theme song of Joan of Arcadia.  The song was, "What if God was one of us."  It just so happens that I really like the song so I sent them in the right direction.  But I wonder what they thought if they purchased the whole album and then realized that it isn't really Christian music.

What would be your favorite song to sing at an inappropriate time and place?

This little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home.

I have big feet and I cannot lie.  

My little children can't deny, 

when their mom walks in with her toes painted pink and a flipflop on her foot

 they go pound, 

and jump on her feet...

My feet seem to be magnets for pain.  It is bad enough that my condition causes a small case of sausage foot, but it seems that all of mankind, especially my immediate family, can't help but stomp on my feet.  They are on the large side.  I wear a 9.5, but they are not the world's biggest feet.  One would think that my protruding belly would block a little of the danger aimed at my feet.  It does block my view of them but that is about it.  So far, just this week, I banged my own toe really hard on a table, the children have stepped on my feet countless times, they dropped a heavy metal chair on my foot (much screaming resulted from that one), and this morning even my husband stepped on my toes.  I have become super protective.  This morning, we attended the hubby's church, and I could barely pay attention.  I was super paranoid that someone was going to drop a kneeler on my foot.  It has happened before, and I was sure that with my recent luck that it would happen today.  I was lucky this morning, but I fear that just means something worse is coming my way.  I have considered wearing my winter boots for protection, but with the injuries I have already received, flip flops seem to be the most comfortable choice.  I did get a pedicure yesterday and I had them paint my toesies with the brightest pink I could find.  If I am lucky, this will serve as a warning that my toes are nearby and people will be able to avoid stepping on them.  I fear the plan will backfire and instead the cuteness will just attract more trouble.

Summer camp, reality vs. TV

I was in choir in high school so OF COURSE I roll my eyes when I watch Glee.  There was no dancing or singing new songs every week when I was in high school.  We had to practice the same songs over and over so we would get good at them.  Now, there is a new show on TV that makes me roll my eyes.  It is called Camp and it is about a summer family camp.

In this show, the camp counselors have a lot of relations with each other and they drink alcohol.  I was a camp counselor for a while when I was in college.  There were no relations with anyone and there was no alcohol.  However, these discrepancies did remind me of one of my more scandalous moments.

While I was a counselor, I would always get a root beer during snack time from the snack store.  A potential gentleman caller happened to work in the snack store and noticed that I always got the same beverage.  One night after the staff meeting, he told me that he had a secret stash of chocolate chip cookies.  I can't pass up chocolate chip cookies or a potential gentleman caller, so I followed this fella to his car where the secret cookie stash was.  A couple other cookie loving counselors joined us.  The potential gentleman caller surprised me with a can of my favorite root beer.  The four of us were standing outside eating chocolate chip cookies and drinking soda pops when the night watchman found us.  He scolded us a little but just sent us back to our cabins.  On the last day of camp, the camp dean called my gentleman caller and one of girls that joined us into her office.  They were in big trouble and told that they could not return to camp.  Nothing happened to me.  Do you know WHY nothing happened to me?  Because besides the gentleman caller, who kindly did not rat me out, no one knew who I was.  This is one of those times when flying under the radar and being unknown is a real advantage. 

At the time I thought they were just in trouble for being outside when they were supposed to be in their cabins.  Later in the summer, I heard a rumor trickle out of camp.  Supposedly, a group of counselors were caught drinking beers outside after hours.  It turns out, THAT WAS ME!  Of course, there were no beers, but I guess that was the impression that the night watchman got.    I was such a rebel and I didn't even realize it.  It was extra scandalous because it was church camp.

Are you impressed by my bad girl image?  Tell me about your scandalous past!

Meijer Meany Mommies?

I have heard multiple mothers tell me about rude things people said about their life choices at Meijer.  People have made comments about the number of kids someone has, the ages of the kids, the personal appearance of the kids, and the behavior of the kids.  These comments usually feature mean and judgmental comments.  These comments always shock me.  The recipients are always the sweetest and sweetest looking moms.  I am always appalled that these comments could ever be made.

I have never experienced this.  I thought it was because my Meijer was the nice Meijer.

WRONG!

The secret is my meany repelling husband.  My husband is tall, dark, handsome, and unapproachable.  We usually do the grocery shopping and local park visiting together.  I feel this is why none of the meany mommies make comments to me.  It isn't me that is immune, it is the hubby.  I learned this the hard way just now.

I was in line at the Meijer pharmacy.  I decided to escape the craziness of my house for a minute, so I was there alone.  A woman yelled from across the store:

Meany Mommy:  My goodness you look like you are about to have a baby!
Me (by the way, I no longer get offended by people pointing out that I am preggo.  Everyone feels the need to point that out these days):  Not ready enough, I have two months left.
Meany Mommy:  But you are REALLY big.  Are you sure you are not having twins.
Me:  I hope not, I am definitely not ready for that.
(Then I took a runny start and jump kicked the woman in the face)

Lesson learned, gigantically pregnant women are incredibly approachable.  Everyone wants to talk to them.  I cannot leave the house without the hubby until after this baby is born. 

Home Safety Town-ing

So, Chazzy Chazzerton will be starting kindergarten in the fall.  I don't know if they do the same thing everywhere, or just here, but the big thing to do the summer before you start kindergarten is to attend a week of Safety Town.  Safety Town is a day camp type thing where they teach your kid about safety.

When I was a kid I did not attend Safety Town.  I am not sure if they didn't have it or if I just didn't attend.  I do not know how I have survived this long without it.  However I managed to survive, Chazzy Chazzerton better figure out the same strategy because I am not sending him to Safety town.  Why?  Here are the reasons:

• I am lazy.  Sending the boy to Safety Town would take some planning.  We would need to figure out who would drop him off and who would pick him up and blah blah blah.
• I am cheap.  It costs some amount of money to attend Safety Town and there is an additional cost for the after Safety Town care and I already pay for him to go to daycare.
• I am dumb.  I just don't get it.  What could they possibly teach that would take a whole week?

To make myself feel better for the shortcomings listed above, I have decided to home safety-town Chazzy Chazzerton.  Here is what I came up with that he needs to learn:

• Stranger Danger.
• Look both ways before you cross the street.
• Don't climb up the slide.

Then I talked to some friends that are not lazy, cheap, or dumb, so they did send their children to Safety Town.  Here are some additional things they learned:

• Fire Safety (Actually, I don't mind that he missed this.  I remember learning fire safety and I was in a panic for months about burning up in a fire)
• Police are Friendly
• Severe Weather safety
• Don't climb on furniture and fall down
• How to put on a fabulous safety based performance

It looks like I am going to have to step up my home Safety-Town curriculum.  Any other thoughts of what I should add?

On a side note, one of the dads of a kid that went to Safety Town accidentally called it Crazy Town.  Now, if that was the name, you could teach the kids to sing "Come my lady, come come my lady, You're my butterfly, sugar baby" in the final performance.  I think I will add that to the home Safety-Town curriculum.  I will also add the theme song to Reading Rainbow (Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high...) and it will be a butterfly themed safety performance. OH, and I will teach some sort of choreography that goes along with "The Safety Dance".

Karate Kid, then and now

Recently, my son fell in love with the new karate kid movie.  No, not Karate Kid 2, 3, or the one with Hilary Swank, he likes the one with Will Smith's son in it. 

At first I encouraged this love of the Karate Kid.  I loved The Karate Kid and all the sequels.  For some reason, I don't like this new one.  It is not Jackie Chan's fault or Will Smith's son's fault.  Both of them do a fine job.  I surprisingly enjoy how similar, almost word for word at points, the plot is to the original.  I am even willing to overlook how a young kid from Detroit can beat a ton of kids in China at kung fu.

My problem with the movie is one part perspective, and one part the age of the karate kid.  I think the character is only 3 or 4 years younger than the Ralf Machio's character, but those years make a big difference.  Seeing a kid that young get beat up so badly really bothers me.  I guess the change in perspective is because I am a parent now.  The possibility that my child could get beaten so badly and try to hide it from me REALLY bothers me.  Now that I am a responsible adult, I notice that when Jackie Chan steps in to protect the karate kid, he does not hit the kids at all.  He just uses the force from the boys against themselves.  I can't tell you if that is the same when Pat Morita stepped in to save Danielson, because I didn't care if an adult beat those teens up.  They deserved it.  When watching the original Karate Kid movies, I never thought Danielson should run to his mommy to take care of his bullies.  Now, I can't understand why the kid refuses to tell his mom he got beaten to a pulp.  I guess this is just another sign that I am getting old.

Which Karate Kid Movie is your favorite?

slivers and splinters...my worst fear.

I have a fear of splinters or slivers or whatever you want to call them.  This is a HUGE fear.  When I was a kid, my mom always went in after the splinters with a needle and it seemed to be the most painful thing in the world.  As an adult, I go to great lengths to avoid getting slivers.

Over the 4th of July weekend I was reminded why I fear them so.  We had some people over for the 4th, and the kids were running on the deck with no shoes on.  There is NO way I am going on the deck with no shoes on, but I figured I shouldn't let my fears run over onto my kids, so I let them.  Dessy Dess got 3 slivers in the heal of her foot.  I didn't notice.  No one noticed until we were camping with my family over the weekend.  Dessy Dess was limping and my aunt nurses noticed.  Armed with tweezers, needles, and disinfectant, they removed the slivers.  Poor Dessy Dess.  Aunt Amy was holding her for part of the time and I had her for the other part.  She was crying in a way that only a tortured two year old can cry.  It broke my heart.  After the removal, the foot was medicated and Dessy Dess spent the rest of the weekend in uncle Jim's extra long grey sock.  She just kept saying, "boo boo, me".  I don't think she will forgive my aunts for a while, but I am super thankful that they took care of it.  They said it looked infected.  Had I discovered the problem myself, the poor little thing would have gone to the doctor, because I don't think I could dig it out.

This tragedy reminded me of the reasons for my fears much more vividly.  I think I could pick a live spider up in my hands before I could run my hand across splintered wood.  I use the daintiest touch when picking up any type of wood.  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

So, how do you handle a sliver/splinter in your own body?  In someone else's body?  I hear it is easier to get it out of your own body, because you can control the pain and such, but I don't know about that.

OK, OK, I will join your book club!

It has been a LONG time since I posted a blog, but I just had to since I remembered that my last post 2 years ago was about NOT wanting to join a book club...and now I have gone and joined a book club.  Maybe this signals the revival of Rockin' like Chocken.

I recently met a few new friends that are members of a book club.  A month or so ago they invited me to see The Great Gatsby with them and their book club friends.  Their book club friends all seemed very nice.  The movie was beautiful.  I generally knew what was going on because I read the book in high school.

Fast forward a month and they asked me to join their book club.  I took time to really obsess about this invitation.  I like to read, but I don't read much.  I don't like to discuss literary stuff, I just care about the story.  BUT, the people seemed really nice, so after the appropriate amount of obsession time, I decided to attend the book club.

It was a delight.  They didn't even tell me what the book was until I got there, but it was still a delight.  It was nice to sit with a group of women and just discuss life.  They discussed aspects of their lives as they related to the book.  There were also great snacks and entertainment as the resident toddler danced around the room for us.

Overall, a great success!